If You Wear High Heels, Kick Yourself

Women! Are you mad? More to the point: am I mad? Are we all suffering from a mass mental derangement? Some sort of collective fugue state?

We must be, mustn’t we? How else to explain the reaction to the news this week that Nicola Thorp, a temporary worker at PwC in central London, has launched a campaign to make the practice of compelling women to wear high heels illegal. She turned up for the first day at work on the reception at PwC in a pair of flat shoes and her employment agency, Portico, sent her home, without pay.

The spotlight has now been thrown on an obviously discriminatory employment practice. Bravo to her. It’s exactly the sort of thing we should feel outraged about. Why should a woman have to suffer pain and discomfort simply to do her job?

Women! Are you mad? More to the point: am I mad? Are we all suffering from a mass mental derangement? Some sort of collective fugue state?

We must be, mustn’t we? How else to explain the reaction to the news this week that Nicola Thorp, a temporary worker at PwC in central London, has launched a campaign to make the practice of compelling women to wear high heels illegal. She turned up for the first day at work on the reception at PwC in a pair of flat shoes and her employment agency, Portico, sent her home, without pay.

The spotlight has now been thrown on an obviously discriminatory employment practice. Bravo to her. It’s exactly the sort of thing we should feel outraged about. Why should a woman have to suffer pain and discomfort simply to do her job?

Because for all that people like me bang on and on about the structural inequality of the workplace, of our political system, of modern life, that’s nothing like the structural inequality going on at the end of our legs. Look down at your feet. The only feet you’ll ever have. And ask yourself this: are you insane?

I can only speak for myself: I am. I must be. I can honestly say I have no idea what I’m thinking when I put on a pair of heels. It’s not as if I need the extra height. I’m six feet tall in my party shoes. One shorter man of my acquaintance edges away from me whenever I heave into view – though in fairness that may have nothing to do with my height. I have no rational explanation for my choice of party footwear: I’m a sheep. I follow the herd. And then hobble home.

Our future robot historians will look back on the modern dress of early 21st-century women and marvel at the strange ethnographic weirdness of our preference for footwear that actively harms and injures us. That causes long-term changes to our spines, puts pressure on our joints, prevents us from running away from assailants and – most of all – hurts. It’s the pain that’s the most maddening – maddest – thing of all. Wearing high heels hurts. Nicola Gavins, from Edmonton, Canada, posted a photograph of her waitress friend’s bleeding toes on Facebook last week and watched as it went viral. Though any woman knows, that’s nothing. Show me your bloodied toes and I’ll show you a sprained ankle, a blistered heel, a bad case of calf strain.

So what, yeah? Who gives a… ? Of all the problems in the world, this is about the least of it. And yet. Maybe it’s where it all begins? Right there, at the end of our legs. The first foot that we put forward. The one that takes us into every workplace, every negotiating room, every arena of power.

Because how will there ever be equal political representation when half the delegates at any party conference are in pain? There’s a popular belief among female politicians of all stripes that in order to be taken seriously, you need to look like you’re auditioning for a slot on The Apprentice: business suits and brightly coloured jackets and the kind of footwear that looks smart and professional in photographs. And is utterly unsuitable for a full day of pacing the corridors of power.

PwC – the company that Nicola Thorp went to work for, where she was told that she needed to wear heels “between two and four inches high”, “tights of no more than 15/20 denier” and makeup that consisted as “a minimum of: light blusher, lipstick or tinted gloss, mascara, eye shadow” – crunched the numbers earlier this year and found a 24% gap between the average salaries that men earn and the average salaries that women earn. A £300,000 deficit over one woman’s working life.

You know why? Well, lots of reasons, but one of them is this: because we let it happen. Here’s one way to be paid less than your male colleagues: keep your mouth shut. Wait until your hard work, ability and commitment to the job is recognised and rewarded accordingly. Ha! See how that goes. Because the best and surest way not to get a pay rise is not to ask for one.

And if wearing footwear that could be categorised as an instrument of torture, according to the UN’s definition (“pain or suffering, whether physical or mental… intentionally inflicted”), defies any sane rational thinking, this is worse: 80% of women say they feel underpaid. And yet two thirds have never asked for a pay rise. That’s not sexism. It’s just really, really stupid.

Women! Get a flipping grip on yourself. And by you, I mean me. Put on your four-inch heels and tip-tap across the office floor and feel silently aggrieved as you work for free for one hour and 40 minutes of every single day and then limp home and wait for the curvature of the spine and degenerative joint disease to kick in. Or kick up. It is an actual choice.

How to find the perfect pair of high heels that don't hurt your feet

A top podiatrist has revealed a three-step formula to find a pair of heels that won't leave you in agony.

Choosing the perfect shoe that won't give you blisters all comes down to the shape of your feet.

Consultant podiatrist Emma Supple says that some women are built to wear them skyscraper-high, while others will suffer after mere moments in the lowest of heights.

To work out which category you fit into, Emma says there's a three-step formula to calculate your perfect heel height (PHH) in a matter of minutes.

According to Emma, the measurement is based on the flexibility of a curved bone that connects the foot and the leg.

She told the Daily Mail: “If the talus tilts downwards when you are holding your leg out straight and relaxing your foot, then you have a lot of mobility and can wear high heels with ease.”

While this is good news for those with a flexible talus, other women just aren’t cut out for wearing them and there’s nothing they can do about it.

So how do you measure your PHH?

1) Take off your shoes, sit down and hold one leg straight out in front of you keeping your foot relaxed. If your foot sits at a right angle to your leg without dangling then you have less mobility and will be more comfortable in a pair of flats. However, if the top of your foot follows the line of your leg then you are a natural heel wearer.

2) You’ll need a friend for this next part. To find your ideal heel height, get someone to place a tape measure from your heel in a straight line on the floor, then place a pencil at the ball of your foot at right angles to the tape.

3) Wherever the tape measure hits the pencil reveals your PHH.

Thanks to this simple formula you can now feel a whole lot smarter about your footwear purchases, and wave goodbye to a multitude of high heel horrors.

Why I won't let my five-year-old wear high heels like Harper Beckham

Five-year-old Harper Beckham can run in high heels. In fact, according to her proud mum, Victoria Beckham, Harper can carry off a pair of towering platforms better than the average woman.

"[Harper] loves to run around in the garden with her brothers and play football, but she is very, very feminine.

"She has been able run in [Alia] platforms for a few years right now she can wear heels like most grown ups cannot!" Victoria said on the UK's This Morning.


Of course, all children like to emulate their parents, and when your mum is a fashion icon, high heels and make up are par for the course. But when I think of Harper legging it around the Beckham residence in a pair of heels I feel a bit uneasy.

I have a daughter the same age as Harper (Miss Beckham is four days older) and as much as she would love to totter around in high heels, there is no way that I would let her – not even for play.

There have been times that my five-year-old and her big sister have raided my wardrobe and wobbled out of my bedroom in heels (always wedges – unlike Harper, I can't walk in anything else). But after joining in the game for a few moments I ask them to put the shoes back. Yes, I am a killjoy, but heels and kids are not a sensible combination.

My first concern is falling. While five-year-olds have mastered the art of walking, they are accident-prone. Look round any schoolyard and you'll see an impressive collection of scabby knees and bruised shins. As kids grow their centre of gravity shifts, so they can fall unexpectedly, especially when running.
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Throw in a pair of heels and that centre of gravity shifts further. Walking can be hazardous, and with further to fall, the consequences can be more serious than a grazed knee. They don't call high heels 'ankle breakers' for nothing.

On top of this, heels can actually damage children's feet. Podiatrist Brenden Brown told Fairfax Media that high heels are concerning because kids' bones are very soft. This means that changing the position or angle of the foot could cause bones to ossify into a misshapen position.

Research from the International Journal of Clinical Practice backs this up. Doctors from South Korea found that high heels may actually alter the muscle balance around the ankle joint, leading to instability and balance problems. While this study focused on adult women the findings are still alarming.

High heels have also been associated with lower back pain, sore calves, restricted blood vessels and crooked feet. Obviously these issues come from years of walking in high heels. But considering the long-term consequences, I plan on keeping my daughters away from them for as long as possible.

But there is another reason that heels on young girls make me uncomfortable; they are unnecessarily sexualising. As much as we want to believe they are just a bit of fun (and often a thing of beauty – we've all had a pair of stilettos we can't take our eyes off) they are shoes for adults – not children. We wear them to make our legs look longer, to appear slimmer and because they are sexy. None of which matters to a five-year-old.

My daughter may share a birth week with Harper Beckham, but while I have a say in it, she won't be sharing her taste in footwear. High heels are impractical for grown women, but for children they are ridiculous.

10 Tips for Walking in High Heels: A Guide for Crossdressers and Transgender Women

Heels are the ultimate feminine accessory, so is it any wonder that most crossdressers and transgender women salivate at the sight of stilettos?

As a petite woman, I share your passion - but let's face it: learning to walk in heels is a daunting task for genetic women and crossdressers alike! Fortunately, it's something anybody can master with practice.

Ready to polish your supermodel strut? Here are 10 essential tips for walking in heels:

1. Work your way up. The higher the heel, the greater the challenge, so start with a pair of heels no more than two inches tall. Once you've mastered that pair, you try a higher heel.

2. Practice standing in heels. Before you take your first step, practice your balance by standing in heels. Experiment with different poses as you get used to the added height.

3. Improve your posture. Keep your shoulders back, your spine tall, and your chest forward. Good posture keeps you steady in the highest of heels.

4. Take a few steps. Now you're ready to walk! Take your first steps on a hard surface since carpet can throw off your balance.

5. Point your feet forward. Beginning crossdressers tend to turn their feet out as they walk, so remember to keep both feet perfectly parallel.

6. Keep your legs together. Women walk with their legs close together, so imagine that you are placing each foot along the edge of a ruler – you shouldn't have more than two inches between your feet.

7. Shorten your stride. Big steps can trip you up; instead take small, delicate steps. The higher the heel, the shorter your stride should be.

8. Straiten your legs. Bent knees throw off your balance and look inelegant. Practice walking with strait legs.

9. Challenge yourself. Once you've mastered the basics, try turning in different directions. Take a few steps on different floor surfaces and practice your stride on stairs.

10. Practice makes perfect. Walking in heels is totally different from walking in tennis shoes, so don't expect instant success. Just keep practicing and soon you'll be strutting with the best of us!